Robin's Strategy for Love and Love for Strategy
by Greenx91
Summary: None of the kids are saying who their fathers are and none of the men want to become fathers. In the face of this dilemma, Chrom employs Robin not only for his genius, but to keep his mind off of strategies. Meanwhile, Lucina and Severa try to survive being inside a room with the rest of the kids. Humor/Romance along with nonsensical one-offs. Spoilers for potentially everything.
1. Intro part 1

Robin's new job.

* * *

Chrom sat down on his throne and cleared his throat. Directly bowing down to him was his closest ally and most capable tactician Robin. Between them, all of their allies and friends stood in a circle, with exception to Sumia.

"Robin, do you know why I've called for you today?" the exalt said.

Robin had never heard Chrom talk to him so seriously before. As much as he'd rather be strategizing, Chrom was his closest friend and the king. Without a hint of sarcasm, he said, "No."

Chrom nodded and waved his hands. "Ladies."

All of the women stepped forward.

"Here's the deal, Robin: We've fought in wars together for how many years and the only people to have gotten married are Sumia and I. Not only that, but we have a set of children right now who refuse to tell us who their fathers are for various reasons."

Hearing this meeting become more idiotic than he imagined, Robin threw his head up high and said, "Chrom, what are you suggesting I do!?"

Chrom closed his eyes and said, "Well, you see, seeing how you're my master strategist, I was wondering if you would do us the honor of-"

Cherche chirped in and said, "We're tired of waiting, Robin. None of our kids will tell us who our future husbands, but have noted that things are taking longer than expected. Their existence seems to have affected something in our male allies..."

She gazed at all the men with almost a lustful look. The reaction was lukewarm.

Frederick looked away. "I have a duty to the kingdom."

Gaius sucked on his lollipop before commenting, "I can't have any competition to take my sweets away."

Lon'qu got bright red. "I… cannot possibly have a daughter… we'd both be miserable."

Donny frowned. "My ma would be awfully surprised at the news of being a gramma…"

Henry cackled maniacally while a bunch of crows began to pick him up and fly around the room.

Libra stared intently at Henry flying with the crows. "I must deal with the unholy things of this world."

Ricken looked around and furrowed his brows with twisted lips. "Wait, I'm confused; Do babies come from the storks or not?"

Kellam nervously raised his hand. "I have-"

"Why am I even here!?" Gangrel shouted. "I was repeatedly stabbed before dying!"

"It seems conquering death is not so unique a task as I first thought," Walhart said while bench pressing a cow. "Nevertheless, I will not rear a child who has never beaten a god."

Robin stood up. "Chrom, I repeat, what are you saying!?"

Sumia stepped next to her husband and announced, "You're going to become a matchmaker!"

"Elwind!"

Robin through himself out the window in one great, floaty, leap.

"I'll get him!" Henry and his minions swooped through the window and brought back an aggressive Robin.

"I don't wanna! I don't wanna!"

"Robin, you're being immature," Chrom noted.

"This whole thing is immature. I'm a tactician, Chrom, not some sort of cupid. I need to spend my time strategizing!"

"That's another thing I've been wanting to talk to you about." Chrom reached behind his throne and pulled out a bundle of scrolls, books, and single pages. "The wars are over, but you have triple the amount of strategy books."

"You never know when a war will pop up next," Robin said.

Stahl pulled up a shoe. "You've been awfully enthusiastic about throwing boots at us to test our reflexes."

Robin ran up to Stahl, grabbed the boot, and threw it at Henry. Henry raised an arm covered by 20 birds and slapped the boot out the window. "Henry seems to do well with my pop quizzes… unfortunately."

Ricken touched his cheek upon remembering the countless things Robin has thrown at him. "How can you even call that a pop- Ow!"

Robin smiled when the boot left a mark on Ricken's left eye. "You need to remember that shoes come in two, Ricken. Looks like you need to be tested more."

Ricken resisted the desire to cry. "Hey, no fair! I wasn't ready! Aaahh!"

Giving Ricken another boot to the face, Robin chuckled. "Never assume that I only have two boots, Ricken. Never!" He turned to Chrom. "Now, what were you getting at Chrom?"

Chrom looked over some of the maps Robin had created. "I understand your readiness for war, but do we really need to plan a strategy for when someone has a bucket stuck on their head?"

Robin raised and pointed a finger at him. "That last one happens a lot more often than you would think."

"That's because you keep throwing buckets at me!" Ricken shrieked.

"Take pride of your part in my experiments!"

Frederick chimed in and said, "You have an annoying habit of disturbing the dinner table with random war games with the food as the game pieces."

Henry giggled and said, "Don't play with your food, Robin!" Henry laughed as he knocked away another boot from Robin.

"What are you all trying to say?" Robin said.

Chrom stiffened his lips and locked eyes with Robin. "There are two reasons why Sumia and I decided to make you the official matchmaker for our army: First, you are a genius on how people think. Secondly…"

"What's the second reason?" Robin said in low voice.

"…secondly, I believe you have an addiction. An addiction to tactics."

"What!? Off all the things you've ever said, I've never heard anything so foolish in my life!"

Chrom turned to his right. "Frederick, where is Virion today?"

Robin snapped his neck to him as well. "That's true. Where the hell is that dastard? I have more, much more, new strategies to test out in our games."

He paid no mind to Robin. "Last I've heard, Virion was in hiding."

A snarky smile grew on Robin. "Heh, no doubt because he knows I'll finally win without losing a piece." He wiped the smirk away and glared intently at Frederick. "Of course, there's no way to know for sure until we play again. Where is he, Frederick!?"

Chrom continued speaking to his most loyal retainer. "How often do our healers need to deal with Ricken?"

"So often that we have to rely on… doctors for the unwell."

"How dreadful. How long do the maids spend cleaning up the table after Robin has had fun with his food wars?"

"Two hours, m'lord."

Robin crossed his arms. "I don't have a problem. Strategy will always be important and I am not going to spend my time making people kiss when I can be perfecting my strategies even further than before."

Chrom pulled out his falchion and stabbed the castle floor. "Well, I'm king and what I say goes! Now go make us some baby daddies, Robin!"

"Damn it!"


	2. Intro part 2

No time for love.

* * *

"By the way," Robin said, "where are all the future children?"

Elsewhere in the castle, all of future children watched as Lucina struggled to hold Owain back.

"Lucina, unhand me! I have to do this or we'll all going to die!"

Lucina desperately held his hand in place with both of her hands gripping onto them like chains. In Owain's hand was a dagger, struggling to get close to his other hand's wrist.

"I have to release the evil inside my hand! It beckons me to wield the cursed weapon of Tobin the Clueless!"

Severa waved the so-called weapon in her hand. "It's just a pen, you dunce."

"Indeed. Mightier than the sword Falchion, it is said to be capable of creating really bad drawings of people. Once people become self-conscious of their looks, they'll lose focus on the battle and fall!"

Cynthia pumped her arms. "But, didn't you once say that you wanted to be the hero who appears at the last moment?"

Owain shook his head. "Yes, but I will be too preoccupied with my hand once it takes up painting."

"Why in the world are we still letting this happen?" Kjelle grabbed the fountain pen from Severa and snapped it in half using three fingers to shoot the ink away from anybody after breaking it in half.

Owain relaxed and Lucina could finally take a break. "Ah, I see. You chose to sacrifice the legendary weapon instead of my hand."

"It was a regular pen!" shouted Severa.

Owain sighed and looked down with a glum face. "Still, I wish you would have let me sacrifice my hand instead of destroying a piece of history."

"You're complaining about not having your hand cut off?!"

Lucina wiped some sweat off her forehead. "I'm just glad I was here to help."

"That's because I had to go get you! Everyone that was here just stood and watched him slowly dismember himself!"

"I helped heal him whenever the cut got too deep," Brady muttered. "Anyway, let's go get some grub."

"Don't change the subject! Owain literally just tried to cut off his arm!"

Yarne nervously raised his hand and said, "Severa, sorry to bother you, but all of your yelling is hurting my poor bunny ears."

"I'm sorry, but we're all treating this too normally! Owain literally tried to cut of his hand! He needs help!"

Owain stretched his body and yawned. "Well, in any case, it's time to celebrate our aversion to a horrible future ruled by my hand. Let's go eat."

"Don't try to sweep this under the rug! You need psychological help! We can't go eat at a time like this!"

Lucina nodded and said, "Severa is right."

"I am!?"

"We can't go eat right now. We would be disturbing my father's meeting with Robin if we passed by the throne room."

"Wait, what about the part where Owain needs help?"

"Oh, I've heard about it from Miss Sumia," Noire said. "Are they really going to get Robin to matchmake our parents together?"

"Hey, don't ignore me!"

Lucina slowly nodded. "As much as we cannot tell them about the future to prevent any unnatural changes, we've unintentionally scared all of the men with the promise of a grown child. I take all responsibility for having failed to keep my 'Marth' disguise which lead to my reveal. I'm so sorry."

"Lucina, please! If you don't lead the conversation back to Owain, nobody will ever do anything about it."

Lucina waved an arm at Severa. "Already dealt with. Take a look."

Owain was sitting at a corner, struggling to move his index fingers apart. "What is this strange paper tube? It's only paper, but it traps my fingers inside of it like magic!"

"That's a temporary solution, but…"

Nah spoke up and said, "Explain to me why we can't tell our moms who our dads are again? Also, why do we need dads? Ricken told me babies come from the stork!"

Gerome snorted and muttered, "I'd like to know why it matters as well. It's already apparent that our bleak future still remains. Even with the power and knowledge we've gained here, we lack a genius tactician like Robin to take down Grima. In the end, our lives remain as hopeless as always."

"I think I've learned enough from Robin with my time with him," Lucina said with her eyes down and a shaky voice. "I'm sure we can defeat Grima now. As for why you all cannot tell them about your fathers… I don't want any of your parents to feel obligated to one another. If my younger self wasn't born yet, I would not want my parents to marry for my sake after their discovery of me."

"I second that feeling," Laurent said. "In my years of loneliness, I desperately wanted to talk with my parents, but I did not want to jeopardize the true love my parents had for each other, no matter how much I yearned for their company.

"In any case, I'm rather excited!" Inigo flashed a smile at all the ladies. "I do hope Robin has time to work us into his schedule after dealing with our parents. I do love a good match."

Lucina stiffened her lips at the thought of Robin setting her up with someone. "I… have much to do to restore our kingdom. I have no time for love. In any case, we'll have to stay here for the next few hours to ensure we don't disrupt anything. If Owain didn't bring us all here with the commotion, I would have dragged you all here myself."

Severa puckered her lips and said, "Speaking of Owain-"

The sound of paper ripping sounded through the room. "Ah! My hand lusts for power! I must relieve myself of this curse!

"Oh no, not again!"


	3. OS: They're Just Trees

One-Shot: They're just trees.

* * *

Corrin tilted his head as he watched his little brother practice using Brynhildr. "Leo, I've always wondered about something."

"Wouldn't be the first time." Leo used the spell on some rocks and the rocks exploded. No, I don't know why.

"Why is Brynhildr so powerful? All it does is summon… trees."

Leo stopped waving his hand and slowly cocked his head Corrin. "What do you mean? This is magic. The trees aren't merely trees. They're the incarnation of energy summoned from the Earth itself."

"Really?" his older brother said with innocent, puppy eyes glittering down at him.

Leo turned away blushing. "…yes."

Corrin pouted. "You don't sound very confident about."

"Look, it's a powerful spell, all right? That's all it matters. Touching the trees will kill you if you don't have the resistance against magic."

Kaze showed up. "That's not true. How come your spell just pushed us away when Garon ordered Rinka and I to be killed?"

"Gah!" Leo almost fell off his horse. "Where did you come from, Kaze!?"

"I'm always near Corrin."

Leo raised both of his hands, drawing attention to the mostly empty field they were standing in. "Where did you hide?"

Kaze pointed behind Leo and said, "I hid behind those trees."

"What?" Leo turned around and found that the parts that weren't empty at the fields were covered in small trees. "What?" he repeated. "Why are the trees still there? The trees are magic! Brynhild shouldn't have such a giant hole in its power!"

"But Leo," Corrin said, "the trees never go away. They've always just stayed put."

Leo could feel flies going into his huge, agape mouth but he didn't care. He was too astonished to care. "What do you mean they've always stayed!? They go away! They go away!"

Corrin shook his head. "No, Leo, the trees really stay."

Kaze nodded and walked through the trees. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed it, but anytime you summon these trees, you turn your head slightly to the right. The truth, however, is that the trees stay."

Leo resisted the temptation to snap his book in half, but settled for just trying to twist it. "W-W-Well, maybe they do stay there… but it's still a deadly spell!"

Kaze turned away while Corrin looked up with a finger hovering above his lips. He then thought of something. "Oh! Now I know why Xander-"

"Corrin!" Kaze teleported in front of Corrin and kicked him right in the-

"Gugh!" Corrin fell down and cried. "Why Kaze, why?"

"I must protect your life at all cost…"

"What the hell does that mean!?" roared Leo. He brought out brynhildr and recited the incantation. As expected, trees sprouted from the ground. It… pushed Kaze and Corrin out of the way. "What? What!? Why aren't either of you aren't injured!? I accept the trees will stay, but why aren't either of you the least bit hurt!?"

"I'm hurt…" Corrin buried his face into his hands and cried more while holding his legs together.

A sudden click happened in Leo's mind.

Xander.

"What did he do?" Leo lowered his head before stretching his neck out to the high heavens and roared, "What has he been doing all these years!? Aaaaaaaahhhhh!"

Leo was so angry, he got off his horse, kicked it, kicked Corrin, and sprinted towards the castle to confront Xander.

"Oh, Leo, why!?" Corrin continued crying some more.

Kaze rolled his eyes. "Oh, stop overreacting. You don't even have a pair."

* * *

Back at the castle, Leo was barreling through everyone and everything in his way to confront his big brother.

"Xxxxxxaaaaaaaannnnnddddeeeeeeerrrrrr! Xander! Don't make me stretch out your name anymore! The 'x' sound is really painful to hold onto! Xxxxxxxxxxaaaaaaannnnnndddddeeeeerrrrrr!"

Xander stood in front of his throne. He turned around and faced his little brother. "So you finally know? I figured that you would have eventually. I can't be around you everytime you use brynhildr."

Leo fell down to his knees and cried. "Xander! Tell me… have you been the one causing damage every time I used brynhildr?"

Xander raised Siegfried and shot a fucking laser beam at a statue. It's destruction was a given.

"Yes."

Leo resisted crying any further to prevent being compared to Corrin. "But… why?"

Xander turned around. "You were always so desperate to be my equal… no, my superior… and I wanted to see you succeed… but of all the magic spells you could have picked… you chose trees. Trees! The servants would laugh at you and call you names like tree-hugger, lil' sprout, wood summoner, wood erector, seed spreader, fatty (this was during your chubby days), and 'Leof'."

"I wasn't that fat," he muttered.

"Yes, you were," Xander quickly said. "I naturally didn't want my little brother to be seen as a fool, so I decided to become your bryhildr and made everyone keep quiet about it."

"So… I just make trees pop up?"

"Yes."

Leo sighed and picked himself up. "I guess I'll go… make an arboretum. The war is over so… bye."

"Just get out of here, fatty."

* * *

 **Hello there. Thank you for the 11 follow/favorites within 2 hours. That's cool. You know what else is cool?**

 **This story is going to normal with a tad of weirdness here and there. Nothing out of the norm... of the north. That's what's cool's.**

 **Updates will hopefully be _at least a chapter every 5 days_. If it's not, I'm slacking. Somebody bother me if I can't make time for an hour to write a thousand words.**

 **Another reminder... spoilers for all games _might_ appear. I dunno. We'll see. Mostly for one-shots, but...**


	4. Intro part 3

**This is a stupid chapter. Don't read.**

Title drop.

* * *

Robin finished sorting through some papers and announced his plan. "All right, so we have 10 of the kids' fathers unaccounted for."

Everyone stood and waited for Robin to continue but he never said anything else.

"So what are you going to do?" Sully asked.

Robin stared at her. "…I dunno. This is as far as I got."

Everyone began to jeer and heckle Robin, with Henry throwing ravens at him for added insult.

"Hey, hey, hey! Look, this is very difficult for me, all right? Can't we all just take this fight outside and split into two or more sides, go through our inventory, collect some-"

"Robin!" Chrom said, "Enough with the tactics!"

Robin adjusted himself after having dealing with the last of Henry's birds. "Well, if I'm forced to make a, uh, strategy for love-"

"Robin!"

Robin kept going with stopping. "-then I'd say there's a very low chance, like 1%, that Gangrel, Walhart, Priam, Yen'fay or Basillio are the fathers to any one of them. There's a 30% chance that Gregor-"

Vaike raised his hand and said, "Hey, aren't you handling this the wrong way if you're using these numbers?"

Tharja appeared suddenly and wrapped an arm around Robin. "It all doesn't matter anyway, does it. Robin is all mine, right?"

He could feel her staring intently at him, waiting for an answer. He gently pushed her away. "I don't plan on marrying anyone, Tharja. I only have time for one thing in my life… my love for strategy!"

Vaike scratched his head. "Wait, didn't you already say that?"

"No. I said 'strategy for love' earlier. Big difference."

Now Lissa was the one raising their hand. "Isn't half the reason we got you was so you could stop strategizing everything?"

Chrom nodded. "Indeed, but I'm quickly starting to see that although I can force Robin to become a love matchmaker, I cannot force Robin to get rid of his love for strategy. Thus, he will desperately try to make a strategy for love."

"I think that's rather immature of him," Sumia said. "He should be working with love for love, not strategy for love."

"But Sumia," Robin said, "I love love. I think it's fantastic. I just don't understand how my strategies and love go together, aside from my love for strategy. I can only give strategies for stratagies' sake, not strategies for love, even though I'm going try exactly that."

"But if you love love, sure you can create love using that same love instead of strategies, no?"

"Well, that's what I'm doing! I'm making a strategy for love with love with my love for strategy to make love, but not in the way lovers mean, even if making love is the end result. I can't just say 'love' a lot to make love happen, that'd be chaos! I can't strategize with love like that."

"Love is love. You can't strategize love like regular strategy because love is love: complicated. If you try to strategize love, even with love, you'll be seeing strategies instead of love, and I know how much you love your strategy, but we need you to find the love between lovers to create the love."

This went on for a while until it devolved into Robin and Sumia repeating the same three words forever and ever.

"Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love!"

"Pro strats pro strats pro strats pro strats pro strats pro strats pro strats pro strats pro strats pro strats!"

Somehow, it was Sumia who ended up shouting about 'pro strats'.


	5. Intro part 4

Who will be the first lucky lass?

* * *

Sumia was currently holding a javelin in her hand and aiming at Robin.

"Sumia," he said, "I'm warning you: I watched you miss several 90% hits back on Grima's back, back to back. I don't ignore these kinds of things! If you throw that javelin at me and miss, I'm-"

He watched in silence as the javelin left Sumia's hand and landed right next to Robin's feet.

"Now I'm pissed," he said. "Sumia, you're off the team! No way are you ever allowed in another battle if you're missing these likely hits this often!"

Chrom finally had enough and shouted, "Robin, would you please stay on track and act like a matchmaker? The sooner you pair everyone up, the sooner you can get back to your tactics in peace."

"As soon as Sumia apologizes for missing, I will!"

Sumia started yelling something too, but it sounded more like babbling than an apology.

"What's she going on about, Chrom?"

"I don't know, Robin. Sumia can't speak right now since you broke her tongue after somehow getting her to shout about 'pro strats' for 20 minutes."

Robin smiled and calmly said, "Oh, is that so? Well, it was no big deal. I learned about this trick in a book called Silly Songs from a story about a rabbit and a duck. A risky, but effective maneuver to trick your opponent to fight for your argument unknowingly. Recruiting new soldiers will be-"

"Robin, enough with the strategies, please!"

"Humph!" Robin crossed his arms and turned around. "You work like a madman and what do you get? Your best friend yelling at you to bring people together. How heartbreaking. Fine!" He turned back and pointed at Nowi. "Nowi! You'll be the first person to get their mate!"

Nowi smiled and said, "I get to be first? All right!"

The men gulped and the women sighed.

"What's with this reaction?" Chrom said.

Robin went over to Nowi and held her up high. "All right, you sickos, which one of you touched this girl, age 1000? Don't worry, age is just a number. She's legal, so don't worry; Everyone in the whole halidom will judge you fairly, even after you impregnate her."

Just about everyone started sweating and pulling on the necks of their cloth.

Robin darted his eyes around and found Henry. "Henry! Were you the one who jumped on into Nowi in the future?"

Henry's face twitch and he produced an off-putting smile. "Careful, Robin. The way you've been treating me this last hour has been very unfair. Do you want to me to get the eggs, Robin? Want me to get the eggs?"

Robin flinched and took a step back. He looked elsewhere to find an easier target. "Frederick! Have you ever looked at little girls and-"

Frederick pulled out a bag of tricks and threw all he had at Robin.

"Ugh! Frederick! Stop throwing pebbles at me! It's really, really annoying!"

Robin tried to use Nowi as a shield, but the pebbles were far too accurate and fast for him that Robin ended up with several tiny bruises on his entire person while Nowi left Robin's arms completely unharmed.

He sighed in defeat. "I guess we'll leave Nowi alone until later. We can use process of elimination and deduction to find the creep later on."

"So who will be the first lucky lass?" Chrom said.

Robin shrugged and said, "Uh, let's go in alphabetical order. So… Cordelia, Sully, Nowi, Tharja, Cherche, Panne, Maribelle, Lissa, Olivia, and Miriel. Cordelia and Cherche… looks like you'll be the first, Cherche. Everone, gather around tomorrow. I'll need some… preparations to get through this accurately and efficiently. Disperse!"

Nobody left the room.

Chrom waved his hand.

Everyone left.

"Did you just see what happened, Chrom? Nobody listens to me anymore and it's all your fault!"

"Or it could be because I was the one who called everyone here in the first place. Logically, I would be the person sending them out."

"Psh, what do you know about logic? If you have it, why don't _you_ become the master tactician and make couples appear tomorrow."

"No."


	6. Side Dish 1

Let the games begin!

* * *

"Why don't we play a game to pass the time?" Noire suggested. "I loved playing with board games with my father back then."

Severa rolled her eyes at the suggestion. "Why would there be any board games here?"

Lucina stopped inspecting her falchion to look up. "We actually a few in the room next door."

"Why are there board games here!?"

Lucina looked to the side. "Robin forces everyone to play every now in then to expand his strategic mind."

"Can't he spend some time relaxing like a normal person instead?!"

"He also mentions that playing games together builds bonds and relate to each other."

"Forcing people to play games doesn't do that!"

"I'll get the games!" Owain announced. "I could use the escapism to relieve I've been experiencing lately."

"Of all people to say that, it shouldn't be you!"

Owain left and came back. Everyone who bothered to care about the game expected a smile pile to be brought back, but Owain had only one game in his hands.

"What kind of game is this!?" Severa looked at the size of the box and compared it to the size of her head.

Owain turned the box and showed the name of the game to Severa.

"Ju _ **mango**_?"

Noire perked up and said, "Oh, this is a game even my mother has heard about! This is a famous game that was discovered in some ancient ruins, hundreds of years ago."

Severa checked the corner of the box, where it gave the year of creation. "This game hasn't even been out for two years!"

Noire continued on about the game. "At first, you might expect a normal, run-of-the-mill game, possibly about a mango-"

"So the title really is _that stupid_?"

"-but what happens when you start playing the game is that the giant mango in the middle of the board becomes real and soon everyone playing the game find themselves in the cursed game world of Jumango!"

"Are you sure your mom wasn't just finding new ways to abuse you?"

"Well, let's take a look!" Owain proclaimed.

Lucina nodded. "Yes, let's."

Owain slowly opened the box, partly out of fear, but mostly to just build some stupid suspense.

"Ah! The legend is true! There is a mango!"

Lucina's heart stopped for a moment. "Oh gods… Oh gods, no!"

Noire began to feel weak. "I… I should've stopped us from starting this cursed game."

Severa had enough and slammed the table they were standing in front of. "What are all of you going on about!? They probably just put that mango in the box before it was even sold!"

Owain closed his eyes and pondered it for a bit. "You say that, but I have a hard time believing that a mango could survive a million eons without signs of age."

"Didn't Noire say 'hundreds'!? Also, open your eyes and look at the box for the year!"

Owain opened an eye and looked. "A mere decoy. Besides, two years is still an awful lot for a mango to survive, I think."

"Well, yeah, but all Robin would have to do is replace the mango every few weeks!"

Lucina shook her head. "Mangoes are a rather exotic fruit to Ylisse. Robin would have to have traveled three weeks to get a replacement mango and come back if he really did do this."

"The castle town has plenty of stores that sell exported mangoes!"

Owain nodded his head and said, "So we've decided that the curse of the mango the becomes real is true then?"

"Don't ignore me!"

Noire quivered more and more the more time she looked at the mango. "W-W-What do we do now!? Don't tell me we're going to be playing this awful game."

"Of course not! The only person who would even be willing to play such a stupid game is Owain!"

Owain took a deep breath and grabbed the die. "We have no choice. Once the game starts, we have to finish it or we'll all die."

"Would you stop exaggerating!?"

Noire held back her tears. "That's true. Let the games begin…"

"Don't be so complicit!"

"I refuse to let anyone down!" Lucina went and latched onto the falchion.

"Don't be so violent!"

Owain couldn't stop smiling, looking at his closed hand with a pair of dice inside it. He released his grasp on them.

"Let the games begin!"

"Stop being _so_ weird!"

They proceeded to have an amazing adventure that I refuse to write because of laziness. Bye everybody!

* * *

 **Dunno why it wasn't letting me upload anything these past few days, but now it works. Currently replaying FE13 with no pair-ups, grinding, or any sort of abuse. It's fun as long as you don't mind Miriel (couldn't take a hit), Nowi, Gregor (both died at the 2nd turn in their intro chapter), Panne (Didn't realize the Hero could cross the river), Stahl (I actually do mind that he died since he was a great unit; Dude just didn't have the res to survive the levin sword I forgot Gangrel had), or Olivia dying (same-turn reinforcement will always be lame). Still, fun.**


	7. OS: Go on, boy

Go on, boy.

* * *

The bonds of friendship can last years, even if contact has been lost. Fifteen years have passed they last talked to each other, but now they were reunited.

"Hector! There you are, ol' buddy o' mine!"

A ginger stud by the name of Eliwood greeted his cool, blue friend with a great big hug.

Hector looked awkwardly around him while Eliwood kept hugging him. Ten seconds passed and the hug didn't stop. Hector patted his friend on the back before forcibly removing him off his chest.

Looking at Eliwood, Hector loss any discomfort and laughed. "Eliwood! Good to see you're still fine! If not a little too sensitive still…"

Eliwood nodded. "It's been so long! I haven't seen you since that great big adventure we had! You know, the one we had fifteen years ago?"

Hector nodded. "Yes, I remember-"

"At first I was on a search to find my father, then we got into some sort of political conspiracy before we got thrown into the whole 'Dragon's Gate' problem, which resulted us in going back and forth, country to country, to stop Nergal and his minions, including Denning, the nice messenger who told us Nergal's message… repeatedly… and then we went back to Dread Isle and-"

"Eliwood! I know! I was there! I just told you I remembered it!"

Eliwood looked aside and gave a single laugh. "Ah, that's right. I was just… checking your memory. In any case, how've you been!? We're so darn busy all the time, we haven't had the time to talk anymore!"

Hector couldn't agree more. "Yes, we really should fix that." He then saw a red fluff move behind Eliwood. "Er, it's too bad my schedule has gotten full, though. These small talks of ours will have to remain rare and uncommon…"

Eliwood was taken aback. "Wh-what!? No! I've got plenty of time now to visit you all I want now."

"Eliwood, I'm a very busy man. You can't just bother me whenever."

Eliwood frowned. "I suppose so. Oh! By the way, I have a son!"

"Damn it!" Hector shouted.

Eliwood stepped aside and revealed a small child behind him.

"This is my boy, Roy! Say 'Hi!' to Uncle Hector, Roy!"

A certain talk between Eliwood and himself surfaced in Hector's mind. Looking at Roy gave him a mixed bag of emotions, none of them good.

"F-F-F-Father! Is he angry!?" Roy almost felt like he should fall to the floor and cry when he saw the blue fire in his new uncle's eyes.

Eliwood walked over to Hector and wrapped an arm around his buddy. "Nah. That's just your mind playing tricks on you. Forget about the fact that Hector can pick you up and throw your tiny, little body across the ocean and you'll see he's a real pal!"

Looking at Hector, Roy felt like he would be mercilessly drowned instead.

"Go on, boy," Hector said slowly. "Greet me."

All light and fire in Roy had gone out. "Um, um, um, um, hello L-L-Lord Help-me!"

"What was that?" Hector snarled.

"Lord Hector!"

Without missing a beat, Eliwood laughed and said, "What a fine introduction, wouldn't you say? Hecty?"

"I thought I told you never to call me that again."

Eliwood looked around and said, "Hey, now that I think about it…"

"Eliwood, I already know what you're going to say, and I'm warning you-"

"You have a child as well, don't you?" said Eliwood with the happiest smile on his face.

"No."

Eliwood frowned. "Wh-what!? I always thought we were the best of friends! You didn't just lie to me, did you?"

Hector snarled some more, but admitted to himself it was low of himself to lie to his friend. "Erm, what I meant to say… I have an angel with me."

Eliwood brightened up again. "Aw! How sweet!"

With a happy grin on his face, Eliwood stared at Hector, who was trying to think of a way to change the subject. Eliwood blinked for the hundredth time and he gave up. "Guh! Fine! I guess I should introduce my daughter…"

He called for his daughter and in came a little girl with blue hair. Roy's face got red and his heart started beating faster. The blood in his body started to rush and…

"Father!" he shouted. "Something's wrong with me! My body is all tingly, and my pee-pee is getting-"

Hector slammed his axe down and roared, "Eliwood! I knew this was a bad idea!"

Eliwood waved both of his hands at Hector in a lame attempt to calm him down. "Wh-What? I have no idea what you're talking about… Roy, we'll talk about your little problem back home, nothing serious. Let's have your daughter introduce herself, huh?"

Before he could protest, his precious fruit began to talk.

"Um, my name is Lilina. A pleasure to meet you both…"

"Lilina!" Roy shouted! "I'm Roy! My father is Eliwood! I'm, I'm, I'm- Let's be friends!"

"Hold it!" Hector shouted. "Don't you think you should go home and check up on that tingly feeling, Roy? My father died a few days after he experienced the tinglies…"

Roy gasped. "Huh!? I'm going to die!?"

Eliwood intervened and said, "Hector, what are you saying!? My boy's just a little hot from the sun, that's all!"

"For his sake, that better be the _**only**_ reason he's feeling hot right now!"

"Hey, kids!" Eliwood said. "You two want to go somewhere else and play?"

"Y-Yes!" Roy said.

Lilina hesitated a bit before nodding and smiling.

"Then get out of here you two!"

"Wait, Lilina!" Hector held out an arm for her. "Don't leave me here, Lilina! Lilina!" he shouted, but not really because he never wanted to raise his voice towards her. They were gone and he was left all alone… with Eliwood.

"What a cute child," Eliwood said.

Hector turned to him and shouted, "This was your plan from the very beginning, wasn't it!? If you value our friendship, you'll tell me the truth!"

Eliwood pouted and looked aside. "Uh, but what's the big deal?" Eliwood said. "You once told me you were having dreams about our children marrying, didn't you?"

"I distinctly remember telling you that they were also giving me night terrors. Eliwood!"

"Hey, relax. Let's just let whatever happen, happen. Sure, I might encourage something to blossom, but…"

"I'm going to die for this one day, aren't I?"

Eliwood and Hector went elsewhere to talk. Hector hoped for some nice, friendly talk with Eliwood at the very least, but all Eliwood wanted to do was spout information the whole time.

"By the way, have you any word on Mark?"

* * *

 **Sorry for a tiny hiatus there. Work and school projects got in the way.**

 **I recently finished FE7 sometime in the past weeks and I chuckled when Eliwood summarized the game's plot at the end while also low-key introducing his son despite his B support with Hector. I'm currently playing through both Sacred Stones and Shadow Dragons, so expect one-shots on those someday.**


	8. OSS: Echoes with an Avatar1

What Do You Suppose It Means?

* * *

Your name is Jordan. You don't know why, but you're lying down in the middle of a field of flowers.

"Hahaha! Come on, Jordan! Get up! There's better places to take a nap than on grass!" your best friend Alm said. Hearing what he just said brought up a feeling of déjà vu, but you ignored it because you don't wonder about things.

In the end, you ignored Alm and continued resting on your back. Next to you, your new friend Celica lays down with her arms and legs apart as if to make a snowman, but with dead flowers. Wild flowers are very fragile. Shame on you both for ruining this beautiful spot.

"Celica! What are you doing?" Alm said.

"C'mon, Alm! It's so pretty down here!"

You almost want to warn Celica about how looking at the sun directly will blind her. Almost.

"All right, all right." Alm settled down with you and Celica, completing the triangle. This feels really cheesy. Hmm… Triangles… Cheesy… Cheesy triangles… You're suddenly in the mood for some Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips. You suddenly remember why you had to lie down.

"Today was the perfect day, wasn't it?" Celica asked while providing absolutely no tortilla chips. You'd ask her for a sandwich, but where's the joy in that? You want to lick artificial cheese off your grubby, little fingers, damn it!

Noticing that his and Celica's hand were close together, Alm said, "Hey, you two ever wonder why all of us have these brands on us?"

Celica had a brand on her right hand. Alm had a brand on his left hand. You had your brand down your lower back. You silently curse Alm for bringing it up.

"What do you suppose it all means?" he asked. Unfortunately, you knew what _your_ mark means. It's a good thing public schooling isn't a thing in this world because you'd kill yourself after a month of bullying.

After some thought, Celica said, "Maybe it's a sign: A sign that we'll all be friends forever." You're not sure why she thinks she's friends with you and Alm.

"Ha, ha. Yeah!" said Alm. What the fuck, Alm.

"Aaauuughhh!"

The three of you quickly stood up at the sound of a scream.

"Let's go!" shouted Alm, not mentioning the perfectly, in-sync standing up the three of you just did. Why are you and Alm friends again?

You all run to the source of the scream and find the Faye, Gray and that other guy are being confronted by a creepy, old dude. You don't really care, but- Hey! It's that red stuff you ate an hour ago before you passed out! You immediately grab a handful and stuff it in your mouth and nose.

The next few years go real fast, bro. What the fuck is happening, man! Aha ha ha! Spank me harder, Clive's horse!

Clive? Who's Clive?

"Okay," Alm said. "It's time to march into Zofia's Castle!"

Woah. You get a teaspoon of some of that red stuff and awake inside the castle.

"We won! Thank you, Jordan! If it wasn't for your brilliant strategies, we never would have won!" said Alm. Your stratagies? Have you been leading an army all this time? Also, what's the hell is this feeling of curiosity and intrigue you're getting, looking at the new blonde person? Did you go through puberty? Oh crap, you did! Everyone including yourself is older! You immediately put away the red stuff for the time being.

"Alm!" a familiar voice shouted from up the stairs. You and Alm go up and find that it was… Mycen? But he looks and sounds the same! Are you still under the influence? "Alm!" he said again. "I'm so glad you and Jordin are here."

"Grandpa?" Alm said. "What? But… how did you get here before us!? We left while you had both of your feet broken!"

"That's not important."

You disagreed. You really wanted to hear Mycen's story as to how he got here with no feet.

"What _is_ important is that the fate of Valentia is now in both of your hands. Alm, I want to speak to you in private, but first…" Mycen put on a hand on your shoulder and led you outside. A quick glance down revealed Mycen had two hooves where his feet would have been. Now you _really_ want to hear his story.

"Jordin," Mycen said (why does he keep calling you Jordin?), "I must request you meet with Celica and bring her here in one piece. I'll send you to her in a jiffy.

He turned around and kicked your ass across the ocean.

You are now dead.

Oh, wait. You just brought out more of the good stuff, mid-air. Aw, yeah!

* * *

 **Do you know how happy I was to know that there would be no avatar shoved into Gaiden? Lots. Still, the sheer stupidity of suddenly being best friends with Alm and Celica would've been funny.**

 **Thank you for patiently waiting (if anyone was waiting). School is over for now. Let's crank out some more garbage. Next chappie will be a main story chapter.**


End file.
